Dad Duty

Word from Wiese

19 June 2024

A “duty”? Understandably, fatherhood (let alone motherhood!) sounds like hard duty sometimes. For years, relationships can include frustration, befuddlement, and weariness. Little sleep and a lot of worry in stretches (acknowledging that dad duty might be considered minor-league compared to what moms face).

But research continues to prove that dads consider the overall experience of fatherhood a delight. A double-thumbs up. A large new study finds that fathers are generally happier than childless men.[1] A recent New York Times article reports men’s involvement in fatherhood can have long-term benefits for their brain health — and for healthy societies. Furthermore, “at a time when boys and men seem to be experiencing greater social isolation and declining occupational prospects, the role of father can provide a meaningful source of identity. But the transition to fatherhood can also be a time of vulnerability, which is why supporting fathers should be a priority for policymakers.”[2]

As we celebrated in church last Sunday, we are proud of all our dads at COS! We’re grateful for how our heavenly Father uses your words, hugs, and modeling to shape positively the lives of our children.

As we move on from Sunday’s Father’s Day celebration, dads, here are some quick words of encouragement from your pastor about your holy role as fathers, both duty and delight.

Love your kids. As dads, we’re enthused to teach, inspire, toughen, coach, ready, prepare our kids. But Jesus’ Great Command applies to fatherhood as well. Your primary job is not to pave their way to the big leagues or ivy leagues. The #1 thing God wants dads to do for their children is love them.
Help them sing. Sitting where I do on Sunday morning, I get to see the faces of many worshipers. And I notice that in some families the guys don’t sing. Some guys have told me they were actually asked NOT to sing by former music teachers! “Bah humbug!” To all my male friends who endured the ill fortune of friends’ teasing or teachers’ discouragement when growing up, so that now you nor your son—who looks to you as an example—don’t sing along in worship, I say crank it up! Get everyone in your family singing. Studies prove singing is healthy for you, Martin Luther thought music was God’s amazing gift, it’s fun. Don’t worry about how you sound. If you’re not on key, you’re singing harmony!
Read to your young kids. And strategize your time so your children know as many Bible stories as they do Disney stories. Nothing against Aladdin, Lion King, and the gang from Toy Story. But the journeys of King David, Peter, Joseph and Mary offer so much helpful framework, hope, and encouragement for our young ones as they make their way. God gave us Scripture for a reason.
Release them—and yourself—from the expectation that they need to extend the preferences and life strategies held by you and your spouse. Billy Joel’s “My Life” anthem applies. God gave you the gift of freedom to navigate your own life and journey. In turn, you can do the same for your kids. The results might please you all the more.
Today is World Refugee Day and Juneteenth. June is Pride month. Teach them about these realities and why they are special days in our country and world.
Keep promise-keeping. When you brought your kids to our Triune God’s baptismal waters, you did a good thing. And when you promised to oversee not just a baptismal day but a baptismal upbringing, that was terrific. So, we applaud you for keeping at it. Proverbs 22.6 states, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” We might want to debate that proverb’s accuracy, but we get the point. Our kids pay attention to our behavior—including how often we worship, pray together, and talk about the ways of Jesus, including dynamics like forgiveness, sharing, and justice.
Last but not least: tell dad jokes. Two weeks ago, Jo Bosecker surprised me after worship with a spectacular gift. A box full of dad jokes! Maybe the Boseckers think my sermon illustrations need a little help. Or maybe they appreciate my periodic dad jokes and want a steadier diet. Believe it or not, studies show the value of humor in healthy relationships, especially as parents do the ongoing work of bridge-building with their kids. When chasms can be wide, humor is a fun way to close the gap and keep bonds tight.