Born in Decorah, IA in 1947, Ruth Frost followed her father around Lutheran College where he worked as a Professor of Religion. In her third grade year, Professor Frost took a position at Lutheran Seminary. So, the family moved to St. Paul, MN. She recalls, “So, my interest in ministry was right out the gate, you know, before I knew what that meant… I automatically assumed that I could become either a teacher or a pastor.” Her ties to the schools would remain strong as she completed her undergraduate degree at Lutheran College and seminary at Lutheran Seminary.
During this time, Frost struggled with her sexual identity. She believed being a lesbian was at odds with being Christian, even marrying a gay man in an attempt to help each other meet societal expectations. But, in her memoir she wrote, “What actually imperiled my soul was internalized homophobia because of the negative messages from both church and society, neither of which understood that this was a matter of identity that needed to be fully integrated, not renounced.”
At the age of 37, Frost committed to living her life openly. Coming out to her parents was a big step that she dreaded. Of her father’s reaction she wrote, “My father sprang from his chair, dropping to his knees in front of my chair. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he met my eyes with his steady gaze and said, ‘My, how much you must’ve suffered from keeping yourself a secret from us all these years. I hope you know we love you and nothing can ever change that.’” Frost’s mother became a vocal ally for LBGTQ causes, particularly within the Lutheran community.
By this time, Frost was in a committed relationship with Phyllis Zillhart, whom she had met while in seminary. Pastoral prospects seemed dim for an openly lesbian couple, who exchanged vows in 1986. Frost worked as a continuing care coordinator at Pride Institute, an inpatient addiction recovery program in Eden Prairie, MN serving the nation’s LBGTQ community. While in this role, she used her pastoral skills. She did some some counseling. She held support groups on the weekends for those struggling to integrate their spirituality with their sexuality. “We were all aware that the false choice between spirituality and sexuality imposed on so many gay people heightened the probability of relapse in sobriety.” This work paved the way for the ministry that she would later perform in San Francisco.
In 1990, Revs. Frost and Zillhart moved to San Francisco to answer a call from St. Francis Lutheran Church. The church, though it knew there would be consequences, had actively sought after a lesbian pastor to minister to the growing LGBTQ population in its neighborhood. The ELCA suspended, and then in 1995 expelled, St. Francis Lutheran Church.
While the St. Francis congregation embraced their new pastors, they seemed naïve in an expectation that lesbian pastors would automatically bring lesbian neighbors to church. Revs. Frost and Zillhart then pointed out that the very patriarchal language in the church’s liturgy would not generally appeal to the liberal lesbians of San Francisco. The church adapted some of the language used, and welcomed a diverse new membership.
At this time, San Francisco was the epicenter of the AIDS epidemic. AIDS was a death sentence, and not yet well understood. Therefore, in the community surrounding the church, men died at alarming rates. Some years, twenty percent of the congregation would die of AIDS. Rev. Frost wrote of this time, “Guided in their vision by Senior Pastor James DeLange, the congregation clearly saw a parallel between their full inclusion of gay and lesbian people and the welcome Jesus freely extended to all who suffered on the margins of society. Indeed, the disease of AIDS and the fear it engendered had a parallel with the disease of leprosy in the time of Jesus.” Rev. Frost, and the congregation of St. Francis as a whole, ministered to the sick, the dying, and the grieving. The pastors were on a first name basis with the coroner.
By the mid 1990s, St. Francis’s neighborhood included a residential hospice for the dying, and a hospital focusing on AIDS treatment (initially mainly the treatment of secondary infections to prolong life). St. Francis opened apartments in a building it owned to the grieving families of these men. Sort of a Ronald McDonald House for AIDS families.
In 2005, Revs. Frost and Zillhart and their daughter moved home to Minnesota. Frost continued her work with the dying and grieving as a chaplain at Twin Cities Hospice. After retiring, she published, “Homes with Heart: Turning Living Spaces Into Loving Places.” The book serves both as a memoir of Frost’s extraordinary life of serve and as a guide on living a compassionate life.
Sources:
- Frost, R. (2021). Homes with Heart: Turning Living Spaces into Loving Places. She Writes Press.
- Hawkins, L. (2025, June 12). Interview with Reverends Phyllis Zillhart and Ruth Frost
- Ruth Frost & Phyllis Zillhart. Fifty Years On a Half Century of Ordaining Lutheran Women. (n.d.-a). https://pages.stolaf.edu/lutheranwomensordination/frost-and-zillhart/
- A timeline of HIV and AIDS. HIV.gov. (n.d.). https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/history/hiv-and-aids-timeline#year-1994
- Green, S. (n.d.). The Rev. Ruth Frost. Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries. https://www.elm.org/2011/02/07/ruth-frost/